A Picture Can Tell a 1000 Lies

It’s about time I wrote another blog post.  I always have plenty to say, but no time to say it... Nonetheless, now that I do have a moment to capture my thoughts, I want to write about home renovations...

My husband and I recently embarked upon a home renovation...uhm... what should I call it... Let’s call it an adventure... No matter how prepared you are for renovations, you are never as prepared as you think. For the past seven weeks our house has been in constant state of disarray. At the moment it is our house, not our home. But hopefully soon it will return to being our home... You see, a home is a retreat to after a hard day’s work - place to relax and unwind. But if the comfort of your home living space is disrupted for whatever reason, you actually have nowhere to retreat to and unwind. Sure you can visit friends or family, but it can never replace the space you call home.

I recently took to the internet in search of advice on how to survive a home renovation – and more importantly – on how to stay sane. In the end, what caught my attention the most, were the images that I found on Google when searching for “home renovations” or even better – renovating with toddlers.

These are just too precious (and unrealistic) not to share. At this point I would also like to reiterate this blog post’s heading: A picture can tell a 1000 lies...

1)  Shopping for home improvement items... with toddlers

Uhm.  So... I don’t know who these two children are or what they’ve been fed, but this is NOT what two young children look like when going with their parents to a building supply store. Unless it’s just my kids. A more realistic photograph would depict the following:

Either one toddler pestering the other toddler or one (even both) toddlers standing up in the shopping cart with one (or both) parents realizing this too late because they were trying to look at paint samples or tile samples etc. This could possibly be followed by:

1) An expensive trip to the emergency room and / or

2) Paying for an expensive amount of unwanted home improvement goods that got pulled off a shelf.

Scenario two normally takes place in the isle containing the most expensive home improvement items. 

And what is it with kids and the extra energy they somehow gather whenever parents enter a building supply store? I nearly needed trauma counseling after taking my three year old with me to The Lighting Warehouse. There are lots of pretty and expensive lights in that shop… And whereas I can normally take my toddler anywhere without much trouble, I’ve realized that this does not include stores that literally only sell items made partly or entirely from glass.

2)  Kids HELPING with renovations

I have only two words: Yeah right. There are a couple of things wrong with this photo:

·         Mom, dad and kid all have clean clothes on (except for the dad maybe who has a couple of tiny spots on his jeans)

·         Mom is smiling, her hair tied up nicely, her makeup looking all pretty

·         Mom and dad have both decided on wearing light-coloured, new-looking clothes to do the renovations in.

·         There is no toddler pulling on mom’s leg or asking to be taken to the bathroom or telling mom that he or she is hungry.

·         And what is the logic around holding the wallpaper so crooked across the wall?

 Same thing with this photo.

·         Clean clothes, clean kids, perfect hair and makeup, smiling family…. It is so far from what the reality looks like that it is actually scary. The longer you have been exposed to home improvements, the more eerie this photo becomes.

The cleanliness in these photographs really freak me out (especially the kid…) And they haven’t even put protective plastic over the gorgeous wooden flooring. Perhaps they specifically paid R130 per square meter for wooden flooring so they could add bright blue spots to it.  And mom is looking so pleased with her young son whom she has allowed to help with the painting. Look! How cute. He even has his own cute little roller brush and I think mom’s cheerful smile is mostly due to the pride she feels while her son demonstrates his painting skills on their R130-per-square-meter-floor.

3)  The romantic side of home renovations

  

Sorry, the romantic side of what??

These squeaky clean, non-sweaty, smiley couples (above and below) have not been painting for even five minutes.

Wow. A home renovation photograph with a bit of dirt. What a nice touch. I want to provide some possible dialogue for this photo:

Wife: “Aaaahhh honey. I can’t think of anything better to do than lying on the hard, dusty and dirty floor here with you, dreaming about what our home will look like once we’re done with this highly enjoyable renovation process. And I don’t know about you, but I have this strange feeling that we will experience absolutely no delays, surprises, mistakes or unforeseen expenses during the time we are soaking up every romantic and delightful moment of this home improvement project that we have embarked on. “

Husband: “Yes my darling. I agree with you. This is so much better than curling up on a soft, comfy couch and watching a romantic movie together while munching on our favorite snacks. We must do this more often. To make this romantic moment extra special, let’s both wear our cleanest, newest socks.”

Yay. Some dirt again. However, was he painting with a blindfold on or something?

These people are at least protecting their wooden floors. Good for them.

Here’s another caption:

Wife: “Honey, do you mind if I use your back as a seat while I help you paint our home’s interior walls in as many colours as they stock at the paint store? And don’t you think we chose the perfect colour combination? This mustard yellow really goes well with the blue.”

Husband: “Sure honey. It wouldn’t be more practical for you to sit on a chair while painting. Not to mention how uncomfortable it would be for both of us if you rather sat on a chair. Plus, painting is not much more strenuous than a little light housework. My back and whole body won’t ache at all tomorrow when I wake up.”

Wife: “Awww. Thanks honey. And thanks for helping me to complete our home’s “smartie box” look. We are going to have the most beautiful house on the street!”

Renovating is not for the faint-hearted. But, as I said to my husband the other day… we must look at this as a privilege. Because it is a privilege to be able to afford to make changes to your home and make it the way you want it. And it is also a privilege to know that the chaos won’t last forever. J

I will post “before and after” pics of our renovations in the next couple of weeks.

Unexpected Bliss

I am back in the “world of technology again”. But the question that comes to mind is “What now...?”

Before I do a quick recap on my “experiment” without technology, let me first start by explaining how I feel about cell phones and modern communication methods now that the month has passed.

As my mother-in-law called it, I have been “weaned” off my cell phone. I have no trouble anymore just putting my cell phone down and forgetting about it when I need to be doing something else. I prefer reading a couple more chapters of a good book instead of checking the latest status updates on Facebook. I prefer leaving my phone at home when we go out to visit friends and family, because I want to be there in the moment, with THEM. (Plus my husband has his phone with him in case of an emergency). Without thinking twice, I leave my phone in the bedroom when spending time with my husband and children. Whoever needs to get hold of us, has my husband’s contact numbers and our landline number as well.

I am not trying to be rude or uncaring by not constantly carrying my phone with me anymore. If I am honest, I was being rude during the times I always did have my phone with me. I was missing out on moments in the lives of my husband, my children, my family, my friend. I teach my children that it is rude to interrupt someone while they are talking to someone else. But when my phone rings or I receive a message while spending time with someone, and I stop what I am doing to answer the phone or read the message, that is just like letting someone “interrupt” me. And then I am really just a big hypocrite who is teaching my children values that I cannot stick to myself. The phone can wait five minutes, ten minutes or longer even. I never ever want to risk sending a message to my loved ones that I do not think they are worthy or important enough, by allowing my phone or any other communication platform to “interrupt” my time with the ones I love.

The bottom line, and one of my new philosophies: Stop worrying about the amount of time left on your phone’s battery life and start worrying more about the amount of time you have left in your own life to spend with those you love most. Stop checking incoming emails after hours on your cell phone, tablet or laptop. You can always recharge your phone, you can always catch up on Facebook later, you can always read through your emails later. But you can never ever get back time that has passed which you could have spent with those who are the most important in your life. Turn down the volume on your car radio and listen to what your husband or kids have to say instead. Switch off the television when you have visitors. Don't just press the "mute" button. A television that is switched on, still causes a distraction, even without the volume. Shut out the outside world. Don't let it interrupt your conversations and time spent with those who matter most. In the world of virtual reality and technology, you can rewind or fast forward across time and space as much as you wish, but real life does not work that way. 

A lot can happen in one month... This is something I became intensely aware of while spending  my December purposefully avoiding modern communication technology.

Just to name a few examples: During the month of December, while I was “offline,” good friends of ours made the wonderful decision to start the process of adopting a baby. We also heard news that a new little niece or nephew will soon be welcomed into my husband’s side of the family. Furthermore we learned that my husband’s sister and her family will be moving to the Northern Cape some time this month. I was happy to realise that I did not need social media or even a cell phone to stay up to date with what is going on in the lives of the people close to us.

A month without the use of modern communication technology has passed in the blink of an eye. So much so, that I am writing this blog post much later than I had planned. Mostly because I have actually been enjoying the technology-free time.

Initially there were some mental adjustments to be made. For the first day or two, not having my cell phone with me, felt like having a limb missing. Not that I have experience with that, but figuratively speaking, it felt like I was missing a limb. Boredom – or “withdrawal symptoms, if you wish – peaked on day 5. I also felt a little bit lost at first, as I had no way of telling the time, because I usually just check the time on my cell phone. I have a watch, but the battery died years ago, and I never got around to replacing it. After embarking on this “adventure”, I promptly had my watch battery replaced.

With new mental adjustments in place, and after the “withdrawal symptoms” decreased significantly by day 6, I hardly ever thought about my phone, Facebook or other modern technology anymore. Unlike I had expected, I didn’t even miss knowing what was going on in local, national and international news. I was just happy being “in the moment”. For example, it took me by surprise when I heard via a family member that Pierre Korkie had been killed days after the event had occurred. The thing is, to me it feels like the majority of news is bad news. And whether you realise it or not, being constantly bombarded with negative news stories is emotionally draining. I know it is important to be informed about the world around you, but perhaps you don’t need to know what happens EVERY day. I still want to be informed, but I am considering only reading news every second or third day from now on. A “break” from negative news does wonders for one’s emotional well-being.

Some friends and family diverted to contacting me via my husband’s phone when they needed to make contact with me urgently, but this happened on a relatively irregular basis.

By the end of the first week, I realised that without my phone and all the apps that come with it, I was getting much more done every day. In fact, looking back on this past December holiday, it has been the most productive, yet most relaxing holiday I've ever had (as an adult). I also found that I slept a lot better every night. Perhaps being in constant contact with the world, makes your mind feel “cluttered”, resulting  in poorer quality sleep. I even felt a sense of improved general happiness without my phone and all my gadgets.

My husband and I started using our expensive High Definition Video Camera to take videos of our children, instead of just taking videos on our phones. And with me not hanging out on Facebook so much anymore, I found that my husband used Facebook even less than he used to (which means he practically never checked his Facebook anymore). Not having my phone with me all the time, also caused me to notice how much the people around me were using their phones. And how sad it was to see just how many people were sitting in pairs or in groups, yet they were all “alone”, busy with their own things on their phones, instead of engaging with one another.

At night, before I went to sleep, I held my husband’s hand instead of clutching my cell phone. I managed to read a whole stack of books that had been collecting dust on my bedside table for ages.

During the past month I have come to know an unexpected feeling of bliss, and a sense of serenity that can not be found in cyberspace. Give it a try, but not just for a day. Perhaps for at least a week? Dare yourself to answer a question about life without modern technology - starting with the simple words “What if...?”

Back to Basics

Someone very dear to me who has had a very positive influence on my life, recently decided to scale down on social media interaction. My first thought was that this was a brave and very positive and healthy decision. However, whereas before I would interact with this person constantly and almost always receive an instant reply if I sent the first message, now the replies were more delayed. I realised that our interactions had become part of my daily routine – almost just as much as drinking a cup of coffee or tea each morning or taking my vitamins regularly. I knew I would miss our interactions, but I had no idea that I’d miss it this much and I have to admit it was hard for me to respect this person’s wishes not to interact via social media so regularly anymore. This limited interaction made me acutely aware of my flaws and unhealthy behaviours. What struck me as the most odd and shameful was the fact that I even checked my phone numerous times to see if this person had been using social media during the day. Like a freaky stalker. This actually borders on insane and I quickly came to the realisation that I am much more dependent on my cell phone and interaction via social media than I thought I was.

Technology and especially social media is supposed to bring people closer together and allow people to interact more regularly and keep in touch. However, judging from just my own experience, I am inclined to think that all this new technology is actually driving people further apart.

Rewind back to the “old days…” Let’s say you and your family went on an outing to the zoo. There were no cell phones. Your landline stayed at home. Nobody could get hold of you and for the duration of the time spent at the zoo, it was really just you and your family and you could really just enjoy each others’ company. At a family picnic, nobody had their cell phones lying around on the picnic blankets. At the family dinner table or at a restaurant, no cell phones intruded on the conversations. And when you went on holiday with your family, the only contact you had with others was perhaps through a payphone? I speak as if I was there, but I wasn’t. I can only imagine how it was way back when technology didn’t constantly intrude and steal precious moments of time spent with loved ones.

So I have decided to challenge myself. And no better time than now. Today is my last day at the office and I only return again in January. The challenge is to completely stop use of any and all communication technology that wasn’t there in the year I was born. When this thought first crossed my mind, I thought there was no way I would survive. I use my phone for absolutely everything. I love using email and not to mention Facebook. I decided to put this “fear of being out of touch” to good use by chronicling my experience without “modern communication technology” throughout this month. I will share this with you in my next post sometime in January.

To limit the temptation of engaging via modern technology, I switched my cell phone off right after accepting this challenge to myself last night. My husband took my phone with him to work this morning and he will be leaving my phone there until he returns to work in January. As far as Facebook is concerned – I am deactivating my Facebook account temporarily until I return to work in January. That way, if I reactivate it sooner, everyone will know I failed miserably at the challenge I set myself. J However, I will wait until tomorrow evening only because some of you may want to contact me via Facebook in order to obtain my slightly more antique contact details. J I will also not be checking emails at all during December. Already I have had people frantically asking me how they would be able to get hold of me during the festive season. Well, for those of you who would like to stay in touch, let me know and I will give you our good old-fashioned landline number at home. You are welcome to email me too, but I will only respond to those emails in January. For really urgent matters, my husband will still be using his cell phone and crucial contact can still be made through him.

I was also asked the question of how people can say congratulations to our youngest when she turns one year old in December. Let me know if you would like to say congratulations and I will give you her personal email address to which you can send your birthday wishes. I created one for both girls when they were born.

What do I expect to gain from this experience? I guess I just want to rid myself of any unhealthy habits I may have picked up through social media. And I am hoping that when I am “back online” in January, I will be less likely to ever use social media as much again as I had done in the past.

A little voice inside my head tells me that no relationship nowadays can survive without using social media. But I believe in my heart of hearts that the relationships that matter most, will survive. There are other ways of sharing special experiences to. A simple telephone call to say, “Hallo friend. Hey, guess what our little one did this morning?” Or best of all, good old-fashioned face to face conversation… Meeting up with a friend for a cup of coffee or visiting family and laughing and making memories until late at night. That which is most valuable and most treasured, will survive. It survived long before modern communication technology had been invented and there is no reason why it shouldn’t survive today still.

Take care, be safe during the holidays and enjoy the festive season with loved ones.

Until next time,

Lizanne